I'm
reading a NY Times Bestseller. I won't say which. It's not relevant. But the
main protagonist - a man - just said he is a "big fan of the lie of
omission". It made me put the book down and blog. Because lies of omission
are my least favorite lies. I hate them. They are the most deceitful of all.
Because you can't see 'em coming or going and, often times, when they finally
come to light, you are completely sideswiped by them. Nope. Give me a good bold
in-your-face kind of lie. If you are going to lie to me, do it like that, because
it gives me a chance. A chance to detect a foul stench lingering in the air –
even if all I get is a faint hint of it.
A lie
doesn't have the ring of truth to it that truth has. Something about it is
"off key". The lie hangs in the air a microsecond longer than the
truth or else it skips a beat and races. It's cadence seems uneven. As if the molecules of exhaled CO2 get caught
in gauze and have to squirm to get free before the sound hits your ear. Something
about it doesn't go smoothly but it’s happening at such a meta level that most
of the time we aren’t even aware we reacted to it. We might brush something off
our clothing or squirm in our seat or bite our lip. Still listening but mildly
unsettled… or very unsettled if we’re certain we’re being lied to.
Yet I
have come to value these horrendous acts of betrayal because, even if at the
time you had no idea you were being lied to and accepted it as truth, somewhere
in your psyche it got red flagged. Lies get stored in a little “Lying Space” in
your brain. Of this I'm certain. There are the ones you might think you
actually believe, the ones you pretend to believe because it's just easier, the
ones you don't believe at all but can't prove and the ones you know for a fact
are a lie but the liar will not budge and you find yourself at an impasse. We won't
discuss the lies you actually can prove. I believe all these other lies get flagged and
stored. At some point - minutes, days, years later, when the truth comes out,
even if you're angry or sad or disappointed because you'd been hoping maybe it
wasn't a lie, you kind of feel relieved to be able to pull the red flag off
that one. At least now you know you weren't imagining things. You feel somehow
vindicated. The liar did not totally dupe you. You had that little red flag on
the play all along.
But
the omissions... They are a way of keeping any and all knowledge of foul
behavior from you so you can't even put your guard up when necessary. It leaves
you totally defenseless and unprepared. These anger me the most because,
usually, the liar thinks they are magnanimously saving you from a truth you
cannot handle. And most times they are only saving themselves from the disgrace
of discovery.
So
phooey to lies of omission. Boo to the darkest of lies. Right this moment
someone you love might be keeping something from you which later will anger
you. Do yourself a favor when it finally comes out... Blink at them and walk
away. Once it comes out, what they want is a showdown followed by eventual forgiveness.
Even if you plan to forgive them later, don't let them off the hook that fast.
Make them sweat it out. Just walk off leaving them in the dark about what will
happen next. It's the least you can do.
