I am realizing that perhaps one of the things I need to work on is that I just don't believe in myself. I give up on myself. This is kind of scary to even write about because, in truth, I no longer know that I have the ability to believe in myself. So much many of my personals goals and dreams have turned to shit after years of dedicated, hard and dutiful work. It's not like I slacked. I worked hard and just didn't get the results I wanted. When you've had that kind of experience, you don't learn to believe in your efforts. Quite the opposite. So, I don't really know how I'm supposed to tackle this one.
I do know that, when talking to some of my friends who seem to always get what they're after, the one thing I do hear from them is that they don't spend too much time on things they realize aren't working. And maybe that's really been my problem. I will spend years trying to fix something that's not working. I've done it with relationships and my career. Perhaps what these people figure out early on is that sometimes things are meant to be and sometimes they're not. Maybe they have a keener sense of what's working and what's not and they walk away from whatever isn't and stick with the things they realize are working. In this way, they seem like constant winners. Everytime I turn my head, there is so and so, achieving something great. But when I speak to her and ask her why her answer might be, "well, I tried this and dropped it, then that, and dropped it, but when I tried this, it seemed to be working out well so I stuck with it and - voila!" And perhaps that is the lesson I need to hurry up and learn.
I stick with broken things, trying to repair them far longer than is prudent.
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