Piss off.

I've just sent an email to my sister telling her to piss off. I know this is supposed to be my "happy" blog where I only write things that are good and positive but I decided that, in theory, this could be a good thing. I'll explain why.

My whole life I've been one of those beggars. You know the type. People who feel they need to grovel for affection. The first to apologize when something's gone wrong in a relationship. The first to take the blame, even if it's not our fault. The one to send the tortured emails and phone calls while the other person plays it cool. That's been me my whole life. Trying to save a relationship despite the other person's lack of participation.

But I've had it with that and maybe it's a good thing that my most important relationship has come to this. I've been closer to my sister than anyone else on this earth and I've cared for her more than anyone too. But, now that all this has happened I think some light is making its way into my brain. My sister has always known how to lie and manipulate me to her liking and to her needs. It's ridiculous that I never noticed until this past year, but its finally beginning to sink in. Maybe this has all happened for the better and I just don't know that yet.

It's hard for me to watch my sister float away from me like a life raft floats away from a sinking man. It hurts. But maybe now I have to swim to shore and maybe that will be good for me.

Anyway, after spending weeks trying to figure out why she's shutting me out and rallying against her no-good boyfriend, I've decided to tell her to piss off. I'm not begging for table scraps from her. I've had it.