Dad.

My dad is dying. Even if he survives this, I was just in his room and something's changed. Some of the fight is leaving him. I could feel that something was different today than yesterday. I'm so afraid that even if he makes it out of this he will be soul crushingly changed. Then what? How are we to do this? I already miss the him I knew my whole life and this man in the bed with the tubes in him seems like a shell of my former dad. I can't think, I can't speak. I can't have “deep thoughts”. I just can't right now.