Aaaaw.

I bitch and moan a lot but in the end I think I manage to see the bigger picture. My sister and I had a shitty argument that started the night before she had to go to be induced to give birth till that very morning. I've been angry with her for months because of her past behavior and we hadn't really aired our grievances. I had a lot of pent up anger. And it all bubbled to the surface around my niece's birth.

I just returned from visiting my sister in the hospital and meeting my new niece and now I feel like a first class heel for allowing myself to get all wrapped up in anger and ruining what was already a difficult day for my sister. I really wasn't thinking. If I'd been thinking I would have considered her feelings. I would have considered how hard childbirth can be. I would have thought how an already emotional day was even more emotional because of her not having the baby's dad around, her not having her family nearby, the upheaval and stress of the past year. When I saw her sitting in the room juxtaposed with the couple next to her, sitting in the bed together, balloons, grandparents, etc. That's when I realized that my sister really had had a hard night and a very difficult day the day before and all I did was make it even harder. I'm hoping that maybe, in a weird way, I gave her something else to focus on rather than the sadness or anxiety. She could focus on hating me for being clueless and emotionally fucked up rather than on getting depressed for having to go it alone. At least... I hope in the end I managed to inadvertently make it less sad. Anger is more productive than depression sometimes.

So, I think we might be able to go forward from here without too much damage. I think I left the hospital today with a better understanding of what she's gone through. And if she ever treats me the way she did last year again, I will immediately clock her rather than stew.