I Was Born This Way.

For the past few weeks I’ve been really good about eating healthy, more veggies and fruit. I’m working out a lot more than I had been so I feel stronger, I look better BUT after roughly a month I’d only managed to lose 2 pounds. I had a bad emotional week and for 2 days ate a little more than I have been. Mind you, I didn’t pig out. I just upped my calories for a couple of days and probably had a little more fat than I’d been having. Even so, I did a very good work out on one of those days and walked a lot on the other. I figured that might help even things out. It didn’t. Got on the scale this morning. I’m back up 4.5 lbs. So, in my frustration, I decided to search the internet.

It has occurred to me that in my life, I’ve known plenty of people, slim and heavy, who have succumbed to diabetes or heart disease. Some were fit, others not. My father, for instance, jogged just about every day. He’s never truly been overweight, although in his 30s he’d gotten a bit chunkier than normal and when his doctor told him he needed to change his habits because he was developing diabetes, he went on a health kick. The day he had his major heart attack, he was very fit. He’d been dancing for several hours that day. Turns out he hadn’t been eating all that well but, more importantly, he’d stopped taking a medication that probably could have prevented the heart attack. This has made me question many things.

For starters, it seems my dad and I both carry a gene that makes us have large, sticky platelets. Dieting and exercise does not help this. I found this out a few years ago when I had a full blood workup done. I was horrified. So, while it will help to not eat high fats that would only exacerbate the problem, being skinny probably won’t guarantee I won’t have a problem with this someday. I have no unhealthy numbers otherwise in my blood test results. The only other issue is a somewhat high C-reactive protein and markers for autoimmune disease. If you piece all that together I’m a walking time bomb for a host of autoimmune diseases and/or a heart attack. But these are genetic and environmental issues which won’t be much affected by what I eat. Again… while I try to diet and exercise, my body seems hellbent on staying at the upper end of the scale and the autoimmune stuff doesn’t help. I STRONGLY BELIEVE in a healthy diet and exercise program. But I realize that they won’t help me a lot against these built in health risks.

So I eat very little red meat and lots of fish and I should eat more fruit. I drink only water with maybe the exception of one or two glasses of soft drink in the course of a month. I love to dance and walk and do pilates. I feel relatively physically good most days. While I look at myself and think, “I can look better than this.” I also don’t totally hate my appearance. I can get it together some days and look pretty good. Judging by the days when men have tried to hit on me, I guess I haven’t become completely unacceptable.

Where am I going with this? Here: I googled, “How do I diet successfully when I don’t mind being fat?” Truth is, because I know how difficult it is for me to lose even 1 pound and how healthy I do actually attempt to be, and how I just don’t want my whole life to be about my weight (one way or another) and I see that genetics will be playing a role in my ultimate fate anyway, I wish society would back the hell off on the whole weight loss thing. I realize being thinner means more/better opportunities. That’s also true of being taller, smarter, faster and stronger. But for those of us who are genetically/spiritually/psychologically/emotionally challenged regarding weight loss, why should society ostracize us for choosing to just stay fat? Some people willingly stay stupid. They could go to school, learn something and get better jobs. But they don’t. They just don’t see what all the fuss is all about. And yes, they usually suffer for this by having to take shitty jobs. But is there a national campaign making them feel bad for willingly being stupid? No, instead, a lot of them end up on TV making thousands of dollars an episode. I’ve had it with the constant badgering from the media and even the First Lady trying to tell me I’m unacceptable this way.

It’s me - I try to change me but me just keeps happening.

While googling, I found this old post from a guy on a web site which deals with weight issues. I liked it so much I want to quote what he said. Hamish is my new personal hero.

====================================================

Hamish 07-16-2002, 04:01 PM

Full thread here: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/archive/index.php/t-125868.html

I'm not overweight for my height by any medical definition, but I certainly have enough pounds to be looked down on, especially in the gay community. Since my weight poses no physical danger to me, I decided a few weeks ago that the weight wasn't the problem, my disgust with it was.

…Fat is not a moral issue -- in extreme cases, it is occasionally a health issue, but not nearly as often as it is claimed to be. A person with a few extra pounds does not necessarily lack willpower. Body types are different.

And even when it's not a question of body types, it may simply be a question of priorities. Except for a few lucky souls, most people have a lot of trouble reaching the weight standards society sets --and some people have better things to do than live at a gym. And some of us would like to enjoy a well-prepared, rich meal without the guilt -- our own at that foisted upon us be self-important anoerexics.

And let's talk about guilt, shall we? Why do I live in a society that doesn't mind what it's doing to the environment, doesn't care that little children are putting together its running shoes, doesn't care about ther homeless, but feels incredibly guilty about eating the slightest bit of fat?

There are better uses for guilt than to make you feel you should be spending all your waking hours trying to achieve that Sally-Struthers-will-be-speaking-on-my-behalf-look.